Saturday, August 07, 2004

Demon Nicotine

I had a sudden fierce desire for a cigarette today. It was unexpected, since I quit smoking almost six years ago. But there I was driving along, and bam! I wanted a cigarette like nobody’s business. I could almost taste it. I wanted that shock when the smoke first hits the back of your throat…that hitch while you hold the smoke in your lungs…the long slow exhale. I could picture myself walking into the store -- Marlboro Reds, box, please. What would it be like after all this time? Would I cough? Would I still be able to handle the Marlboro Reds, or would I have to smoke wussy cigarettes, like Capris? Do they even still make Capris? How much do cigarettes cost now anyway?

I don’t know why the urge struck today. I’ve only come close to smoking once since I quit, and that was on the day my friend Leo died. That day, I almost mugged one of the smokers outside my office building for a cigarette, but I was so frantic to get to the hospital and my friend Jules that I decided not to stop.

But there’s no reason for it today. I’m having a fine and relaxing Saturday. Addiction is so strange.

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