Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Feeling insecure and hating it

I'm feeling very insecure today. And I don't like it.

I found out people went out to lunch and didn't invite me. Which naturally means everyone hates me.

My boss has someone else on my team running a test that I could do with one hand tied behind my back. Which is probably why she's having someone else do it, so they can learn, but it is bugging me.

I read about this Journal Con blogger's convention that is going to be right here in DC in August. And I'd kind of like to go. But I've only had a blog for approximately 5.2 seconds, and the other bloggers might think I'm total poser.

Which makes me irritated with myself, because why do I care what other people think?

And then I got all worried because my friends are far away and they are going to get mad at me because I can't afford to go see them. I really want to -- I miss them all. I just can't. Not until August, when I get my stock options check. Then I'll pay off the evil credit cards and start saving money for travel. And stuff. I'm not hugely possesion-oriented, but it would be nice to, say, see a book that looked interesting and buy it instead of waiting for two years for it to show up at the library.

And of course, I feel fat. Which, let's face it, is because I need to lose weight. But it is adding to the insecurity factor.

Grrr. I need to snap out of this.

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